Why Caring for Your Emotional Health Helps Your Marriage

Hi Mom,

Today, I want you to make sure your emotional health is a priority. This is good for you, for your husband, and for your marriage.

There is nothing my husband hates to see more than my being out of sorts.

When we were first married, blending a family was putting a huge strain on our marriage. I loved Roger desperately, but the resentment of the kids, the pain of trying to blend this family, and the constant feelings of failure made me sad a lot more than I imagined most newlyweds felt.

So we went to counseling. But the even smarter decision? Roger encouraged me to go to counseling on my own. At first, it felt selfish. It’s expensive. It takes a lot of time. I should be happy. Yes, the kids were a challenge, but I was happily married to a great guy! Love conquers all, right? But I felt like I was slipping. It wasn’t a matter of Roger not loving me enough. It was a matter of me not feeling like enough in any part of my life.

I resisted. Roger insisted. He could tell that I was hating life—and he hated to see that. So I went to counseling. And it helped.

And I started to hang out with some different people—those who were excited about marriage and not always putting their husbands down. And it helped.

And I started going for walks. And figured out I had a vitamin D deficiency that was making me tired all the time, and started to recover from that. And it helped.

All of these little things started to build my mental health in a positive way. And while the biggest benefit was to me (I was nice again! I liked people again!), it did have a spin-off effect on my husband.

I’m not saying get healthy for your husband, but I am saying, when you get mentally in a better place, it can’t help but affect your man in the best way possible.

• Get some help. I’m so grateful for the help of a Christian counselor who was nonjudgmental but challenged me to get mentally healthy. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself or my marriage.
• Hang out with good people. I had to limit some of the relationships in my life that were surface friendships—they were draining and didn’t make me feel any better about who I was. I needed people who told the truth, but with love.
• Get on the same side in your marriage. When you start off with the assumption that you and your husband are on the same side when it comes to finances, kids, and, well, life, it saves a lot of mental anguish. If you are not coming from that perspective, please seek out help. We are strong believers in good counseling early and as often as it’s needed. It will save you a lot of pain down the road.

I hope, these suggestions will help you feel better about yourself and your marriage.

Your friend,
Kathi

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Kathi Lipp is an author, podcast host, and a popular conference speaker. She and her husband Roger live in California and are the proud parents of four adult children.