What should you do if your husband constantly forgets to compliment you? I have heard women tell their husbands things like, “Karen’s husband is so sweet. He always tells her she’s pretty.” In saying this, wives expect their husbands to hear, “I wish you would compliment me like Karen’s husband compliments her.”

Instead, what their husbands hear is this: “Wow, Karen’s husband is a great guy. Why can’t you be more like him?”

When your husband hears you comparing him to another man, he is not likely to try to become more like the man you have held up as an example. Rather, he is more likely to feel disrespected by you and shut down.

If you really want to help your husband understand how he can minister to you in this area, tell him. Prayerfully consider your words and your motivation before you have a heart-to-heart with him. Ask God for wisdom. James 1:5 says anyone who lacks wisdom can ask of God, who gives it liberally and generously. Have you ever asked God to give you His wisdom before you attempt to have sensitive or difficult conversations with your husband? Try it. Asking for God’s wisdom will help you speak in a God-centered way rather than a self-centered one.

After you talk to your husband, pray for God to help him understand your need. Let God do a work in his heart. Pray often, and don’t expect your husband to change overnight. Be willing to remind him or even playfully nudge him to compliment you, if necessary.

First Corinthians chapter 13 is called the “Love Chapter” of the Bible. The passage is filled with a wonderful list of the characteristics of genuine love. In verse 7 we read that love “believes all things.” That is, the most genuine kind of love believes the best about the other person.

So I ask you: Is your husband a good- willed man? Is it possible he is not intentionally overlooking opportunities to affirm your beauty? Are there things you forget to do for him? When that happens, do you hope he will believe the best about you? Can you apply this same kind of mercy to your husband if he neglects or forgets to compliment you?

From If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy by Rhonda Stoppe