Regardless of whether we achieve lifelong-friend status or simply enjoy friendship for a season, what should the guiding principles of godly mom friendships be? I asked Jennifer—whom so many call friend—for her best tips on the topic, and I’ve included them with mine (many of ours overlap), in no particular order, below:
- Pray: Lift your friends up to the Lord (even before you have them).
- Make the first move: Be willing to initiate (even after being rejected
in the past). - Be hospitable: Open your home to others, whether you live in a
mud hut or a mansion. - Skip comparison: With every mom you meet, there will always be
something to make you feel “less than” or “more than,” so don’t
even go there. It’s not a competition. - Open your heart to service: Be willing to give and receive help.
- Be honest: If you see a friend in error, or she approaches you for
good advice, offer gentle correction in kindness and truth. (And be
willing to accept the same from others!) - Be generous: Share your friends and introduce them to one
another; don’t be smothering or possessive. - Pursue genuine connection: We won’t be bosom buddies with
everyone, and that’s fine. Some connections are stronger than
others. - Practice humility: Steer clear of envy and cheer your friends on
when they succeed. - Never gossip: Nothing kills a friendship more quickly than passing
around “juicy morsels” behind someone’s back. - Do it distracted: If we wait for the perfect time to get together, we
may wait forever. Pursue the friendship, even if kids are underfoot
and it’s hard to finish a sentence. - Ditch toxicity: There’s a place for acknowledging the hard and
seeking help and encouragement. But there is no place for
“husband bashing” or griping about our kids.
Making godly mom connections is hard, friends. I know. It’s only in my
thirties and early forties, after years of learning from mistakes, after decades
of consistent prayer and investment, that I have experienced the joy of lasting,
mutually uplifting, and edifying relationships with other imperfect women
who run hard after Jesus and encourage others to do the same.
If you’re still entangled in a hurtful relationship or trudging through the desert
of loneliness, I challenge you to ask the Lord not “Why are You doing this to
me?” but “What are You teaching me in this?” The answer might just be what
prepares you to be the best friend a girl could ask for.
***
Bestselling author Abbie Halberstadt helps women see how God can use the everyday trials of motherhood to radically transform how they view hardship and grow them to become more like Jesus. Her latest book, Hard Is Not the Same Thing as Bad, encourages women in the deepest trenches of motherhood with scriptural wisdom and honest reflections of her own challenges as a mother of ten.
Learn more about Hard Is Not the Same Thing as Bad here.
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