After my husband Rob died unexpectedly, our church created a meal chain to support our family through the first month of loss. On the regular, friends from our congregation arrived with dinners prepared for my four kids and me, taking into account our dietary needs and culinary tastes.
We’d never been a family of picky eaters, but we quickly found that grief did something to our appetites. Sometimes, dinner time rolled around and nobody was hungry. Other times, a food brought back painful memories and made eating hard. All the time, mealtime reminded us of the empty chair at the table, the conversation that used to flow so easily and now hung silently above our plates.
Through my years of bereavement advocacy, I’ve learned we weren’t alone in those days. Many grieving folks struggle with changes in eating patterns and appetite following the death of a loved one. Still, providing a meal can be a beautifully tangible expression of care; and those who support a loved one through loss want to do their best to offer what feels and tastes most comforting.
As you sign up for your next meal train, consider these four tips for meals your grieving friend is sure to love—even if she must eat them with tears in her eyes.
1. Produce Not Processed
When grief has reduced your friend’s appetite, a fresh serving of greens can provide the nutrition she needs until she’s back to making healthy meals on her own. As you pack your friend’s comfort meal, opt for vitamin-packed fruits and veggies over processed alternatives like chips or fruit in syrup. Salads with her favorite nuts, pineapple that’s cut and ready to eat—if it’s in the produce section of the grocery store, consider it a gift of comfort directly from God’s good creation!
2. Freezable Foods
Soups are a popular meal ministry dinner; make yours ready to freeze if your grieving friend loses her appetite on delivery night. Pack soups in plastic containers that don’t need to be returned. Choose a freezer-friendly sloppy joe recipe with easy to freeze buns. Even if you deliver your dinner fresh, your person will have options to eat it now or later, depending on how grief feels at mealtime.
3. “Leave No Trace” Dinner
Hikers have a policy of “leave no trace” on trails; they pack in and pack out all their trash. Make the same policy as you design your meal for your grieving friend. If you’re making dinner for a family, make the portions requested, not more. Leftovers can quickly become overwhelming when you’re experiencing the “brain fog” of grief. Pack up your meal with just enough so that when dinner is over, it’s all gone—you’ve left no trace but happy memories of your tasty dish!
4. Something for Kids
Regardless of whether you’re cooking for kids, be sure to include something for the kid in all of us. A favorite candy bar, a single iced cupcake, or ice cream treats on a hot summer day—any of these remind your grieving friend that life’s sweetness still exists. A small treat for the kids in a household will affirm that their grief matters too. In the depth of grief, we need both solidarity in our sorrow and the hope of life beyond our sadness. The meal you bring your friend can be a quiet affirmation that both can be available in a season where it often feels like grief leaves them all alone.
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Help your child understand grief in an honest, hopeful way.
Hope Comes to Stay, by Clarissa Moll, equips children (ages 4 to 8) to cope with the confusing and conflicting emotions that come with the death of a loved one. For parents and caregivers, this book helps them initiate important family discussions about grief and loss. The book, set in a quaint costal town in Maine, follows the story of a young girl, Lela, and her family grappling with the death of a loved one. With the help of a surprising new friend, Lela walks through different seasons of grief, learning meaningful lessons about loss and finding hope and joy amid the sadness.
Learn more about the book and how to purchase here.
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