Humble parents know this: God does not need you. He may choose to work through you, but he also might work in spite of you. This posture is the antidote for the feeling of not feeling qualified. Of course you are not qualified! There was never any qualification process to begin with.
The fact that God does not need you but invites you into the process of discipleship is not him keeping you at arm’s length. Instead, it’s God’s loving protection for you. Your heart is not made to handle the weight of the burden of discipleship. Trusting God with our kids’ discipleship keeps us from pride when things work out well and crushing despair when things don’t.
From the unique place you occupy as your child’s parent, there are two key responsibilities that are uniquely yours: Put them where God has promised to work, and prepare them for eternity.
1. Put your children in the places where God has already promised to work. From the beginning, God has ordained a few things as essential to the life of his followers: the word of God, prayer, and the sacraments of the Lord’s Supper and baptism. We call these the “ordinary means of grace” because God has promised to work through these ordinary things to bring salvation. Where are these things found? In the church.
You may have been hurt by the church. You may have hurt the church as well. Let this direct statement do nothing to minimize the pain you may carry with you: Your children need to be a part of a gospel-rich church. Your children need to sit under the preached word of God week in and week out simply because this is how God has planned to bring salvation to his people.
Let me go a step further. Your children need to go to a church that meets in-person. Virtual church was an emergency solution most churches transitioned to during COVID. However, that emergency solution became too many people’s default.11 Only adding to this problem is our desire to “make up for lost time.” Having been deprived for the better part of two years, we have now crammed our family schedules full of sports, extracurriculars, and trips. We simply have no time left for church.
While much has changed in the last decade, this simple fact remains: You and your children need to be in a physical location, at least weekly, with other Christians. They need visible, tangible reminders of the goodness of God in the sacraments. They need the nearness of God found in prayer. They need to gather with other disciples from all walks of life. They need to hear the old man in the pew behind them singing “Amazing Grace” for the ten-thousandth time. They need to watch the teenager, ten years down the road, walking faithfully with God. If Jesus calls the church his bride, and if he gave the keys of the kingdom to the church, then the church is essential to your child’s discipleship.
2. Prepare them for eternity. Discipleship is not about preparing your children to live better lives in this world. Read that again. Much of evangelical Christianity has been poisoned by the prosperity gospel. We may not believe God will make us millionaires, but we’re sure that Jesus ought to make our lives more enjoyable and easier.
However, Jesus tells his disciples in John 16 that he is training them not so they will live better, more productive, and less encumbered lives. Instead, he tells them about the glories of the gospel—“that in me you may have peace” (verse 33). Why? “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (verse 33 NIV).
Today, a disturbing amount of evangelical Christianity focuses on making Earth a more comfortable place. To that end, we put our hopes in political figures, education, morality, fiscal policies, and international relations. These areas just listed are worthy of our attention and care as humans made in God’s image. We are to be caretakers and stewards of God’s good creation (more on this in a later chapter).
But when anything (literally anything) is put forward as the thing that will finally bring us peace—be it a new house, president, school, friendship, or athletic pursuit—we miss what Jesus explicitly told his disciples: “In this world, you will have trouble.” Discipling our children toward the kingdom of God means they will live at odds with the world. Faithful disciples will take the narrow path and make choices that will ostracize them. They will have trouble because Jesus promised they would, and Jesus tends to be a man of his word.
This work of preparing our children to face trouble is very, very good work. Paul says it this way: “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18).
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11. For every family, there may be exceptional circumstances and seasons where virtual church is the best choice. However, every family should move back toward in-person worship as soon as it is feasible and wise. If a church or family’s worship experience is only virtual, there cannot be an experience of all the ordinary means of grace or a real, physical community that supports one another.
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Discipleship Without All the Pressure
If discipling your children sounds like a daunting, shame-filled impossibility, you’re not alone. As a children’s pastor and father of four, Chris Ammen has experienced your frustration firsthand and understands that most parents feel inadequate for the task. But what if our inadequacy isn’t a failure, but is just the place from which God chooses to work?
In his debut book, he celebrates the freedom we have to disciple our children from a place of weakness and dependency on God while uncovering key truths like the meaning of discipleship, the character of God, and your role in raising your kids to love and follow Him.
Learn more about the book and how to purchase here.
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